Under Oath
by MissJJD
Summary: For the first time since Olivia Benson's involvement with Ed Tucker she has to appear on the stand for Rafael Barba, how will it go?
**A little poetic license here legal wise, it isn't my forte and I am sure there are some glaring errors in here in that respect. Hopefully you can overlook those (and any others) and just enjoy a little Benson and Barba interaction in the courtroom.**

Rafael Barba had lost count of the times he had questioned Olivia Benson on the stand. But they always worked as a team, it wasn't easy, but most of the time, they made it look that way, always fighting for the victim. The prep was comprehensive and thorough, ensuring they did their best, even if the verdict wasn't the one they wanted; they had done their utmost.

Barba knew this was going to be different, they were still fighting for the victim, they had both prepped for the case, he knew his had been both comprehensive and thorough, and he was certain that Liv's had been the same, but they hadn't done any of it together, not this time. Meetings had been arranged, but on each occasion, it was Rollins or Carisi that showed up at Hogan Place; the excuses had worn thin; Liv was working on their current case, or she'd had to get home. Irritation and anger had given way to hurt, a far greater hurt than the hard-nosed ADA would ever have expected.

He had seen her in the court room over the last couple of days, but they hadn't spoken during recesses as they usually did and the eye contact and glances they often shared in court had been non-existent. Every time he glanced in her direction or saw her, Rafael Barba hurt just a little bit more. He knew she was still very angry with him, quite possibly despised him for what he had done. He believed he had done the right thing, he kept telling himself he had, but had he done it for the right reasons? Each time the answer to that question came back louder and with an unequivocal NO!

Barba had chided himself over and over since that dreadful day, he was old enough and wise enough to know that knee jerk reactions were not the way to deal with situations; if anything working with the SVU detectives had taught him that more than anything. But something in him had snapped. He had chided himself even further at his own delusion, nothing had snapped. There was nothing professional about his reaction at all. He could easily have done for Olivia Benson, what he had done many times over the last, almost four years, and that was _work around, bend the rules._ He knew how to do it, and lawfully, he was a master at it, but man's age old nemesis, jealousy, had quite literally turned Rafael Barba into a green eyed monster.

It wasn't as if Olivia Benson was ever going to see him as anything but her friend, there were a couple of times, a couple of shared moments, and he'd thought maybe there was something more, but he realised that was just Liv, being Liv, looking out for someone she cared about, someone who was hurting, wanting to help a friend, as you do. That she hated him for what he had done, and now spent her time sharing her thoughts and everything else with Ed Tucker hurt like hell and made him feel sick to his stomach.

Barba had worried how she might be on the stand, but in truth it was him that was struggling, trying to maintain focus, concentrate on the case. Rafael Barba did not get distracted in court, not usually anyway. Today he found everything distracted him, it all felt so personal, as if it were all a dig at him.

He had felt so much pain when he had looked into those big beautiful brown eyes at William Lewis' trail, but it was nothing compared to how he felt now. The anger, the contempt and hurt that she felt then, it was against a violent, vicious rapist and murderer. The anger, the contempt and hurt that he saw reflected in those eyes today was directed at him, her friend. Although Barba doubted very much that he could call himself that anymore.

"And why do you think that was Lieutenant Benson?"

Barba heard himself ask the question in the silent courtroom, he heard opposing council object, on the grounds of calling for speculation, he even heard Judge Catano sustain the objection, but the whispered husky words he heard, that sounded as if they had been shouted across the hushed room, were for his ears only, they came from the woman on the stand.

"Because _you_ weren't there".

His limpid green eyes, met her emotional dark brown and for a brief moment they simply just looked at each other.

"Mr Barba?"

Judge Catano's voice prompted, shaking him back to the present.

Barba quickly composed himself, dragging his eyes away from Olivia and back to the expectant courtroom.

"Sorry your Honour, rephrase?"

The judge nodded her head in affirmation as Barba's usually razor sharp brain fought to reiterate the question he had just posed.

"Lieutenant Benson, in your opinion, is it usual for a victim to seek comfort, solace, maybe something more, from someone that….." Barba swallowed hard, his eyes once more fixed on Olivia. "That they had previously disliked, quite possibly, loathed even?"

"In my experience yes it is." Her voice was louder now, and much clearer for both the judge and the jury to hear. But Barba knew she was talking to him.

"When someone has been in a very stressful, possibly life threatening situation, transference is easily done."

"Your honour, whilst I appreciate Lieutenant Benson's vast experience as an SVU detective, she is not a psychiatrist, this calls for expert testimony." The burley, forceful figure of Counsellor John Buchanan once again rose to object.

The judge was about to rule when Barba interrupted, the evidence was very much in his favour, he had room for a little leeway, if this was the only way he could get Liv to talk to him then so be it, he was not averse to using every trick in the book, even in open court.

"Your honour, I appreciate that, but not only has Detective Benson, had close personal contact with the victim, but she has also been in this position herself, I feel that whilst not trained in this field she provides her own expert, insight, which the jury would benefit from hearing."

The judge looked from him to Buchanan, he liked Catano, she was feisty and fair and was often prepared to listen to the bigger picture, even if sometimes it did perhaps stretch the law to its limits. He waited with baited breath for her ruling, not wanting to miss the moment.

"Objection overruled. I will allow you some freedom here Counsellor, in view of the Lieutenant's experience, but tread carefully Mister Barba, do not take advantage."

Barba contained a usually witty retort to the judge, who herself looked more than a little surprised at his lack of comment, his courtroom antics and verbal swordsmanship well known.

"Lieutenant, keeping within the parameters the judge has allowed, and in your own experience would you describe to the court how this transference can occur?"

Barba was leaning against the rail in front of the jury, he knew Liv liked to address them directly when she took the stand, it was one of the many things he had noticed over their years of working together. It meant he could watch her, without anything looking out of place.

He noticed her tuck and errant strand of hair behind her ear, something she often did around him, it always made him smile, it made the veteran SVU detective look, very girlish and a little vulnerable. He saw those big brown eyes sweep the length of jury before once more falling upon him.

"Kept simply, when someone comes to your aid or is nice to you during a time of great stress or pain, you suddenly seem them in a very different light, rose tinted glasses. They might not necessarily be the person you want or even need, but because they came to your rescue, were your Knight in Shining Armour, you transfer your feelings, for the person you really want, who isn't there, simply onto the that is."

"And Lieutenant is this in your experience a common occurrence?"

"Yes, it has been. It can happen to any one of …. anyone."

"Would you say this transference could cloud a person's judgement?"

"Careful Mister Barba". The judge warned. "The witness may answer but you are treading very close to the edge."

Barba nodded accepting that he was pushing his luck and walking on some very thin ice, both with the judge and with _his witness._

"I think, alter a person's perspective would be a more accurate description." Liv answered with quiet surety, clearly speaking from personal knowledge and from the heart.

Barba was wondering just how far the judge's patience would stretch, a little flattery never hurt.

"I am sure the judge and opposing Council are fully aware of what you mean, but just to clarify for the jury, so they are in no doubt, perhaps you could elaborate a little."

To Barba's relief neither Buchanan or the Judge said anything, every set of eyes in the room seemed focused on Olivia Benson, except hers, they were still fixed firmly on the ADA, they drifted slowly to the jury and then back to rest on Barba.

"When someone helps you out of a desperate or as it was in this case, life threatening situation, you simply forget about _everything_ that has happened in the past; everything is just confined to that one small moment in time. And because the person that you really want at that moment isn't there, they can become a focal point of your anger of your blame, simply because they were not there."

Barba felt tears prick his eyes at her words, he had always tried to be there for Liv, whatever she needed, but only as much as she ever allowed him to be, or with the job that she did, he could be, sometimes the law just wasn't enough.

In the last few years, despite whatever was going on with her, she was always there for him, the small trials and tribulations that had occurred in his mundane life, the scandal with his old friend, the loss of his beloved grandmother, paled into insignificance in comparison to being tortured and kidnapped by a psychopath, or forced to play Russian roulette with the same madman. Only recently she had been beaten and held at gunpoint by a drug crazed intruder. Barba knew deep down that he had done everything he could to ensure that Liv was safe and that the outcome was a good one, but at the end of the day, she had needed more than a sharp legal mind, it had been AIB Captain Ed Tucker who had been her Knight in Shining Armour, not him. Whatever Barba might think of Tucker; he was inordinately grateful that his control of the situation had secured Liv's safety. In hindsight however, giving Liv space after the event might not have been his smartest decision.

"How can that anger develop?"

Barba glanced briefly at the Judge she was giving him an eyebrow distinctly raised in warning. Buchanan for his part remained quiet; quite possibly, assumed Barba because although, Liv's testimony was relevant it was not derogatory in any way to his client.

"In your experience Lieutenant?" Barba added just to make sure there was no misinterpretation on the jury's part.

"Like any anger, it just builds and you find yourself taking it out on the people around you that you really care about, they become scapegoats, and you blame them for every little thing. The person to whom you have transferred your affection, simply becomes more infallible and it's easy to believe your affection is real."

"So for the jury Lieutenant, and of course in your personal experience once more." Barba flashed the judge a disarming smile, using his well-worn phrase, wanting to keep her on side for just a little while longer.

He knew he really was pushing his luck now; As Buchanan had pointed out, Liv was a police officer, and this really was venturing very much into the realms of expert testimony. But Barba knew, Liv wasn't talking about the victim in the courtroom.

"Can a victim suddenly realise that this is simply transference and not actually genuine feelings of shall we say affection?"

He waited for the objection and the sustained, thankfully neither came and his expectant green gaze collided with apologetic chocolate brown.

"Yes they can, sometimes it just takes them a while to realise that is all it ever was, nothing else. The hardest part can be mending the fences you have broken."

"Objection" Buchanan rose quickly and Catano was equally as quick to sustain it.

But Barba didn't care now, he had heard all he needed to hear.

"I have no further questions your honour. Thank you Lieutenant Benson for your candour, I am sure that the jury will have benefitted from your experience and your explanation and will have a greater understanding."

Buchanan passed on any questions for Olivia and she was allowed to leave the stand, exiting the courtroom immediately, a few moments later Judge Catano adjourned for the day. Unlike Barba he too rushed to leave the courtroom, hoping to catch Olivia before she left. As he entered the foyer, she was nowhere to be seen and despite her words in court, pain and dejection once more seeped into his tired body. Perhaps he had simply imagined that she had been trying to tell him something. He was simply being fanciful, overly hopeful even.

He really had hurt her deeply, betrayed her trust and his actions had clearly caused a large wound, it was going to take more than a band aid to fix it. Maybe it was an olive branch on which they could build. Avoiding anyone, he pulled his coat on and slipped out onto the steps of the court building, into the cold, late afternoon air.

A few weeks ago Oliva Benson had been held hostage by a drug crazed gunman, she had narrowly escaped with her life, if it hadn't been for Ed Tucker she probably wouldn't have, her gratitude to him was beyond words, he had been her Knight in Shining Armour when she needed him. But her anger at Barba had proved far greater, and over the last few weeks, with everything that had been going on, her anger had only increased, at the time she really didn't understand why, she and Barba had argued and fallen out before. Now and quite possibly too late she understood why.

A few weeks later, and now with a complicated investigation hanging over them, Olivia Benson had tried to explain herself, justify her actions to Rafael Barba, with a heavy heart, she had watched him walk away from her, the hurt and pain in his voice and eyes had been palpable as he told her they couldn't talk about the situation. She had done that to him, and she suddenly realised why he had done the things he had. Olivia had unexpectedly seen more than just hurt and pain in his face, she had seen something much deeper. She had wanted to chase after him, tell him that she was sorry, how _she_ really felt but it wasn't the time, nor was it the place.

Olivia saw Barba come out of the courthouse, only a few moments after she did, even from here, she could tell his beautiful green eyes were filled with the inherent sadness they had borne of late. His gate was tired, his shoulders more downcast than usual. She watched him descend the steps lacking his usual buoyant stride. She wasn't entirely sure if this was the time or the place, but she had to try, she had made so many mistakes over the last couple of months. Loosing Rafael Barba as her friend was not one she wanted to count amongst them.

The trouble was she didn't want Rafael Barba as her friend, she had come to realise that a long time ago, she wanted so much more. She had turned to someone else because he had been there, but it had never filled that need, that love she had for the ADA. Had she left it too long, had she ruined any chance there might be?

"Barba." She called after him, just as she had done on so many previous occasions, her heart lurching as he continued his slow disconsolate descent of the steps.

"Barba" She called out again, louder this time, her heart lurching again as this time he stopped and turned to face her, his own face unreadable.

"Liv, I thought you'd gone. I…." His words dying on his lips as her cold hand came up to touch his face.

"Bar.. Rafael, I am so sorry for, for everything, can you forgive me?" Her words came tumbling out in a rush, as her soft hand caressed his cheek. "I don't know where to even start. What to say, or that you would believe me anyway."

Barba's heart was beating so fast, her gentle touch to his face, emptying his brain of any rational thought. He couldn't let this moment go by, he had already let too many go by, whatever had happened before, whatever happened from now, it couldn't be any worse than the hateful agonising few weeks he had endured. A small, nervous smile curved his mouth, he captured her hand and brought it to his lips, brushing them softly against her fingertips. The smile that lit her beautiful face was all the reassurance he needed to tell him he hadn't imagined anything.

"I do believe you Liv, because, correct me if I am wrong but I think you just told me, under oath."

Smiling he ran hand his hand through the soft silky length hair, before finally covering her lips with his own.

That their first kiss should be shared quite so publicly or so thoroughly on the steps of the courthouse building seemed oddly appropriate.


End file.
